


Stepping Backwards, Moving Forwards

by notaguitarfret



Series: "They're all girlfriends" AU [25]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Fluff, PTSD, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romantic Fluff, Some angst, Transphobia, deadnaming (almost), oh no a horny disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:15:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22606855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaguitarfret/pseuds/notaguitarfret
Summary: Heather Chandler thought it would be a good idea to stage a date with Kurt and Ram, and Veronica thought it would be a good idea to go into the woods with Duke all alone.
Relationships: Heather Chandler/Heather McNamara, Heather Chandler/Heather McNamara/Veronica Sawyer, Heather Chandler/Veronica Sawyer, Heather Duke/Heather McNamara, Heather Duke/Veronica Sawyer
Series: "They're all girlfriends" AU [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1053590
Comments: 7
Kudos: 195





	Stepping Backwards, Moving Forwards

“Can I _please_ leave?” Heather groaned, slumping back against the unfurnished chair with shreds in its fabric and uncomfortable support.

“You can soon enough. I just want to know a few things about you to make these sessions easier.”

She gaped at Ms Fleming in disbelief. “ _Sessions?_ ” she echoed. “Let’s get on the same page, hippie, this is _not_ becoming a regular thing!” She leaned forward to glower at her dangerously. “I thought finally showing up in this office might make you lay off me for a bit.”

“Oh, Heather, we can’t possibly let your… um… _issues_ go unaddressed,” Ms Fleming said, looking up from her notebook and pushing up her glasses. Heather’s nose scrunched up.

“I don’t have any _issues,_ thanks,” she muttered. “The only issue I have is being stuck in this room with you.”

“And why is that?”

Heather scoffed. “Because I risk the humiliation of being seen stepping out of your office.”

Ms Fleming nodded, her pen scribbling something down in her notes that Heather couldn’t see. “And why do you consider that humiliating?”

She didn’t bother holding back a belittling laugh. “You think I _want_ all of Westerburg to think I have some sort of baggage so heavy that I had to come crawling to _you_ for help? Please.” She leaned back again, keeping her chin tilted up. “I have standards for myself.”

She had expected Ms Fleming to get offended, to tell her to leave her office, give her detention, _something_. But she didn’t. Instead, she continued to nod, too focused on writing to even look up at her. Though, she did mumble the words she scribbled down.

“So you’re… hyper-aware of other people’s perception of you.” Heather arched a brow, and Fleming looked up at last. “Do you think there’s something fueling this insecurity?”

“ _Insecurity?_ ” Anger flared in her chest. “What is _that_ supposed to mea-”

“If I could give some input,” she interrupted, sitting up in her notably more comfortable looking chair. “I recall you throwing insults at Ashley Reynolds the other day. You seemed to target her supposed interest in having several partners.”

“It’s called slut-shaming, you old bag.” She rolled her eyes in mockery. “And yeah. What about it?”

“Well, I was thinking that perhaps it could have a connection to why you were referred to me,” she said. “Maybe you’re projecting your frustrations to some of the other girls. I am just assuming things, as I imagine you want to move through these sessions as quickly as possible, but I think there could be a link between your negative experiences with boys and you targeting others’ love lives.”

Heather froze, her jaw hanging as she sat in stunned silence.

“Wh… _what?_ ” she eventually barked. “Like _what,_ exactly?”

“There are many emotions that can fuel your actions, Heather. Maybe you feel left out, maybe you feel angry. Maybe you’re jealous of other people having positive experiences with boys?”

Her nails dug into the leather chair like daggers.

“What makes you think you can say that to me?” she growled, her tone dangerous. Ms Fleming remained unphased.

“I am just trying to find the best course of action to help you overcome your troubles, Heather,” she said calmly; hell, she almost sounded like she was _enjoying_ picking her apart. “I’m doing this all to help you.”

“ _Help_ me?” Heather laughed, grabbed her bag and shot up onto her feet. She glowered down at Fleming with a dark stare. “You think I’m going to sit here and let you try and analyse me? I’m not your little test subject for you to try and figure out.” Everything Veronica had told her replayed in her head.

_I want you to get help, Heather. But I want it to be from the right people._

She made her escape.

“Heather, wait.”

She gripped the doorknob in frustration, but waited to open it out of pure curiosity as to what the old bag was going to say.

“I really do want to help you, Heather,” she heard her say. “I’m not the enemy here. I think if we could build a relationship with one another, we could work through your issues together, and-”

“I’m not working with you,” she hissed bitterly, turning to face her. She was still sat in her seat, as if Heather was going to change her mind and sit back down, burst into tears and tell her about her entire tragic, traumatic life. She scorned at her pitifully.

“You can’t fix me, so you can quit hoping that you can,” she sneered. “Good talk, by the way. Let’s never fucking have it again.”

With that, she stepped out of the office and slammed the door behind her, not looking back once.

 _The fucking nerve of that bitch,_ she thought as she stormed down the, thankfully empty, hallway. _At least that should be the end of it._

That didn’t stop the annoyance she felt from it though. Not only had that been… incredibly uncomfortable, as well as a waste of time, but it had also interrupted her schedule. That schedule being, go and find Ram.

Admittedly, she should probably have put this second on her to-do list. What should have come first was gathering her friendship(?) group and discuss this idea with them first, just to give them a heads up. The reason why she wasn’t though, is because she knew what lecture was going to come from it. Something along the lines of, _Heather, I don’t think that’s a very good idea._

Well, what do _you_ know, Veronica? _You’ve_ only been in this group for what, five months at most? You don’t realise that _not_ going through with this dumb idea is going to raise more suspicions than it already has.

Just once, she told herself. Just once, and then you don’t have to go near the grimey fucker for months. Perhaps even the rest of the school year.

_That’s a bit of a stretch._

She made her way outside and towards the football field, knowing full well that she’d be able to catch him there. She’d hardly noticed herself walk all the way through the school and outside, it had all become so routine. Not even the feeling of cold air and a couple drops of rain threatening to unleash a downpour was enough to break her out of her comfortable daydream as she strolled towards the field, which as she had predicted, was currently being destroyed by buff football players tackling one another to the ground.

No, what broke her out of her placid thoughts wasn’t the change in weather.

It was when she stepped closer to the field.

She did indeed spot Ram. He was the first thing he saw. But when she did, her thoughts suddenly grew fuzzy.

_You have negative experiences with boys._

She shook her head, dismissing it. Fucking Ms Fleming.

_You have negative experiences with boys._

She swallowed thickly as she tried to keep her eyes on Ram. He had disappeared in a rambunctious tackle by the opposing team. Their movements were violent. Rough. She looked, and she felt it.

_You have negative experiences with boys._

She clawed at her wrist with her nails, trying to release the pressure, the friction from her delicate skin.

_I have negative experiences with boys._

“Heather?”

She blinked. Ram was suddenly standing there, right in front of her. She wondered how long he had been there.

“Mmm?” is all she could say to him. She let go of her wrist.

“I said hey,” he said, a little confused. Okay, so he hadn’t been there for long. “You looked kinda out of it.” He then smirked. “You stunned by the show?” He gestured to himself proudly, as if his mud-stained clothes and dirt-covered biceps was something worth boasting about.

But when she tried to say that, it came out as an almost inaudible squeak. Her mouth stayed open, waiting for words to come out, but they never did. She felt like crumbling right in front of him. What the hell was wrong with her?

“Uh…” Ram waited patiently for her to speak. “Did you need something?”

Mentally slapping herself awake, she cleared her throat to make sure her voice still worked, flicked her hair out of her face and forced a smile.

“Meet me at the end of lunch period,” she told him, batting her lashes a couple of times for good measure. Thankfully it was enough to make him completely forget her unusual behaviour, since an excitable grin spread across his face as he nodded eagerly.

Her work done, she turned away, making sure to keep her pace swift, but not too quick. Not until she was out of his sight, when she finally scurried towards the door and back inside the building, letting out a big, relieved, and yet confused sigh.

 _What the hell?_ She frowned as she stood in the empty corridor, lost on where to go next. She didn’t even notice the hand wrapped around her wrist until her eyes fell to the ground and saw her nails digging into her skin.

 _Fuck._ She snatched her hand back, keeping them both apart.

It was a PTSD thing, wasn’t it?

She scowled at the realisation, cursing her stupid brain overreacting so damn much. It made her look fucking ridiculous.

She was about to take another aimless step down the corridor, ready to finally step away from the door and hopefully forget about this whole ordeal, but her movements were stiff. She frowned at herself.

“Ugh.” Cringing at what she was about to do, she looked around the hallways, searching for any sign of anyone being present.

No one was.

It was stupid to even look, she knew, because no one would ever suspect anything strange about what she was about to do.

She reached into her blazer, and pulled out a golden necklace. She gave it one disdainful glimpse, before curling up her hand into a fist, not caring about how the eagle pendant’s wings dug into her palm the tighter she squeezed it.

Finally she began walking, her movements loosening with each step and each tight grip. She would keep holding it firmly until she found somewhere to spend the rest of her period.

 _JD will never know about this,_ she thought to herself bitterly.

* * *

“Heather, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Heather groaned. “I fucking knew you would say that.”

Veronica rolled her eyes. “That means you knew I would think it was a bad idea,” she said. “Therefore, it’s probably a bad idea, and you know that.”

“You already have two girlfriends,” Duke muttered from further down the bathroom. “Why do you need to go on a date with _Ram?_ I doubt he has much more to offer.”

“It’s not a _real_ date, for the last time,” she retorted. “But none of you can say you don’t have the same worries as me. The school is for sure to suspect something is up when all of us suddenly stop dating boys for seemingly no reason.” She paced around the bathroom. “People will begin to make rumors to come up with an explanation, then before you know it, we’ll hear one false rumor after another. They’ll try and disprove all the others, until they find the one that just so happens to be correct.” She eyed the group. “That being, that we’re all girlfriends.”

“One, we’re not girlfriends,” Duke said. “And two, I don’t have that worry.”

“Me neither,” Veronica said. Heather huffed dismissively.

“You never dated boys worth dating anyway, you don’t count.”

“Hey!”

“All I’m saying they won’t think it’s weird with you,” she said. “You never bothered with the popular guys.”

“For good reason,” Veronica muttered, settling on the bathroom counter with her arms folded. “Also, don’t you think you’re overthinking this?”

Heather arched a brow. “How so?”

“You really think these kids are gonna guess that we’re all dating each other?” she questioned. “Even _I_ don’t know what we’re doing.”

Next to her, Mac shrugged. “I just figured we said ‘fuck all the rules, including monogamy’ when we all realised we weren’t straight. Who cares what we’re doing?”

“ _They_ do!” Heather snapped, gesturing to the door. “They’re all invasive little shits, and as much as they all adore us, they would do _anything_ to take our place at the top of the food chain, and spreading rumors that we’re anything less than straight is a perfect way to do it.”

“You didn’t seem that worried about this during the party,” Mac said. “Were you just trying to keep me from panicking?”

“I _wasn’t_ worried about it then, but what the hell do I know when I’m drunk?” She began to pace again. “You brought up a good point at the party, Mac. Veronica and I could have very well been too obvious.”

“Please, they’ll assume it’s a performance,” Duke muttered, rolling her eyes. “You have nothing to worry about.”

Heather whipped her head towards her and glared. Duke didn’t flinch, though she seemed to get the message and sighed in defeat.

“But if you _really are_ so worried about it…” She nodded to her girlfriends. “Maybe get their approval before you plan a date with someone next time.”

“For the last time, it’s _not a real date,_ ” she said. “ _This_ is all for show. I didn’t think it was worth asking either of you about it when it wasn’t real.”

“I can’t speak for Mara, but I would have liked to know,” Veronica said, before glancing at Mac, who nodded in agreement.

“You’re right in that I’m okay with it, but even if it isn’t real, I still like to know these things about you.”

Heather frowned. “Oh. Sorry.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “I would have, but I knew Veronica would lecture me about it.”

“I don’t lecture people!” Veronica protested, to which all the Heathers snickered collectively.

“Yes you do,” Duke said bluntly

“You really do,” Mac added. Veronica looked at the two of them with a betrayed expression. Heather sniggered at her reaction, which might she add, was quite adorable, but she was quick to get back on track.

“In fairness,” she continued, “I didn’t ask him for a date quite yet. Had you said you weren’t okay with it, I would have just ditched our little meetup at lunch. See? Problem solved.” She waved it off. “But speaking of which, as it seems I _am_ going through with this…” She raked her gaze over the group. “I need a volunteer.”

“Oh no,” Veronica mumbled, burying her face in her hands. Heather ignored it.

“I don’t plan on going on this date alone,” she began. “As I’m not just trying to save _my_ reputation here. Therefore, I need-”

“I’m out,” Duke declared.

“Me too,” Veronica said, sliding off the counter to go and join Duke’s side. Heather stared at them both dejectedly.

“I didn’t even finish!”

“Don’t need to. We know where this is going,” Veronica said. “You’re going to ask for someone to make it a double date.” She then looked at Mac apologetically. “Sorry, Mara.”

Mac frowned at them both helplessly. “But Veronica, you _like_ guys! You’d be able to stand them more than I could!”

“Last time I went on a double date with them I almost ended up with a fucking concussion!” she argued. “I have a good reason.”

“They also called me a cow,” Duke added. “Which, while not a physical injury, can be very damaging to someone with body dysmorphia, such as moi.” She batted her lashes and smiled. “So I’m out.”

“Oh, and they were both insistent about having sex even though we both clearly said no,” Veronica said. “Yet another reason why we’re out.”

“That’s exactly why I _need_ one of you!” Heather suddenly snapped. All heads turned to her, everyone falling silent. Realising she had raised her voice without meaning to, she took a deep breath and relaxed the shoulders she hadn’t realised were tensed up until they stiffly rose up as she inhaled.

“I’m not saying I can’t handle myself,” she said quietly. “But I would… be at ease if one of you came with me.” She, just for a moment, dropped her dominant act and gazed at them all pleadingly. “It’s just one night. You never have to interact with them again. You don’t even have to pretend to like them, you just need to help prove to everyone that nothing is going on between any of us.”

“No one thinks there is,” Veronica said.

“I’m catching a rumor before it starts.”

The group fell silent. Heather wondered if they were actually considering it, or if they had given up arguing with her entirely.

Then,

“If I say yes to this date,” Mac spoke up, sliding off the counter and making her way over to her. “Do I _have_ to date Kurt?”

A relieved sigh escaped her lips.

“I figured it would be easier for you to date Kurt,” she said curiously. “You two have history, wouldn’t it be familiar ground?”

Mac stared at the floor and shrugged. “Well… at the party he tried to ask me for a dance and whatnot, but I told him no. Wouldn’t he find me telling him I want nothing to do with him anymore, only to turn around and go on a date with him, mixed signals?” She bit her lip with worry. “What if he starts to think that me saying ‘no’ is never serious?”

“I’m pretty sure he already thinks that,” Duke commented. Heather just sighed.

“Okay, _I’ll_ take Kurt, you can have Ram,” she said. “Besides, I’ve never liked you and Kurt together.”

“I know.”

“And you two are free to do whatever,” she looked at Veronica and Duke. The pair of them let out relieved breaths, giving each other a high five at their newfound freedom.

“So… when is this date happening?” Mac asked. “I want to have enough time to prepare myself.”

“Tomorrow night, I planned on asking,” she said, before lowering herself a little. “Thanks for doing this, Mac,” she then whispered, cupping the frame of her face and pulling her in for a swift kiss. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Mac gave an optimistic half-smile. “Don’t worry about it. Who knows, maybe we’ll have a nice time?”

Heather snickered. “With you there, it’s much more likely.”

Mac giggled sweetly. “We’ll make it enjoyable, I’m sure.”

* * *

“I didn’t think Kurt would be so insistent about going on a date with you,” Heather muttered as they waited outside of her house, searching the street for any sign of a car. Mac just sighed.

“It’s not your fault,” she said. “Besides, none of this is real, right?”

“They don’t know that. It’s kinda the point.” As she spoke, bright headlights shone from the bottom of the street, lighting up the dark road. “Here they come. Don’t panic, okay? You just have to look like you’re vaguely enjoying yourself.”

“Mhmm,” Mac responded, staring at the car as it slowed and finally stopped just in front of them. Luckily for them, they wouldn’t have to sit next to either of them, with Ram driving and Kurt in the passenger seat. Hopefully they weren’t planning on changing that.

“Hey, ladies!” Ram called as he rolled down the window. “Don’t you both look nice!”

She shot a side glimpse to Mac. He was right, she _did_ look very pretty, even if all she’d done to get dolled up was throw on a floral patterned yellow dress and some black heels, having not even bothered changing her usual hairstyle. She also hadn’t done much either, only wearing a black dress and red cardigan.

“Thanks,” she said, not even thinking of a compliment to throw back at him. Instead, she moved straight to the back seats, hardly noticing herself holding Mac’s arm and pulling her along. When she finally let go, she felt as if her palm was empty, like she had forgotten to bring something because holding it was simply the norm for her.

“So… where are we going tonight?” Mac asked, not a hint of enthusiasm in her voice.

“If we’re going to the cow pasture, we can forget it,” Chandler snipped as she strapped herself in.

“Nah, pops gave me some discounts for a local restaurant. My uncle works at the bar!” Ram said. While Heather let out a sigh of relief that she may be able to escape the unfortunate events that Veronica and Duke had faced many weeks ago, for some reason, part of her was discomforted by the idea of being seen with the two of them in _public_. She wasn’t sure why - that had been the whole point.

But as they began driving, and small movements from the corner of her eye caught her attention, she slowly began to realise why she had a regretful feeling churning in her stomach. She looked to the middle of the car seat, seeing the hand inching ever so slightly towards her. Biting the inside of her cheek, she placed her hand flat on the seat too, at first with a gap between them.

“Hey, we might be able to get away with buying some drinks!” Ram said. “Remind me what you two like?”

“I’m fine with just getting wine,” Heather replied, though her gaze was focused on the window, watching trees and cars fly by. The corner of her mouth perked up when she felt something warm brush against the tip of her finger.

“I don’t think I wanna drink tonight,” Mac said. Heather glimpsed at her, and saw she was also staring out her window, looking away from her. Her hand, however, was sliding ever so closer, fingers beginning to link with one another.

“I’m sure we could change that,” Kurt joked. Hearing that, though, made Heather’s breathing hitch. She had no idea why.

 _He’s talking about alcohol,_ she reminded herself. _Alcohol, alcohol, alcohol._

She rested her head against the window, and the cold glass sent a shiver up her spine. However, it was a good distraction, as was the hand holding onto hers in the middle of the seat. She let her mind wander elsewhere, letting it eventually project an image onto the sidewalk, one where a rabbit, or perhaps a hare, would jump and leap and dodge the bushes and fences and mail boxes that the car drove past, moving at an incredible speed. It was a childish and silly distraction, but it was oddly pleasant.

 _I can get through this,_ she told herself. _This night will blow over, and I can be free._

She grimaced.

_Until next time, that is._

* * *

Veronica waited in front of the mahogany door, rocking back and forth on her feet to keep herself occupied on the quiet doorstep. She’d been waiting for a little while now, and she had begun to wonder if perhaps no one was home, but the lights that were shining through the window next to her implied otherwise, as did the muffled voices coming from inside. Granted, they were clearly all male voices, and she could easily guess who they were, but at least she knew the house wasn’t empty. There was a chance the person she’d come to see would be in.

Soon enough, the door finally clicked open, and thankfully, she locked eyes with Heather Duke, peeking around the door curiously.

“Hi?” she said, raising a brow.

“Hey!” she said cheerfully. Just after she spoke, she heard a _bang_ coming from inside. She shot Heather a concerned look. “Sorry, is this a bad time?”

“What do you want?” Heather sighed, avoiding the question.

“Oh! Well, you see, I had some English homework I needed to do, but I was originally going to do it with Heather. But uh… she’s kinda on that ‘date’,” she said with air quotes. “I would have just done it myself, but my parents are out and my house got pretty quiet, so I figured I’d check if you were free?”

Heather opened the door a little wider. Her expression was a little troubled, and she only cringed when more noises erupted from inside her house.

“I… I don’t know if I can, Veronica,” she murmured. “My whole family is in, and-”

“Hey, Heather! Who’s at the door?” a young, teenage boy called, making her grimace with irritation. Veronica guessed her younger brother had spoken; what was his name again?

“None of your business, Hunter!” Heather snapped. Ah.

“Is it a boy? Ooooh, are you going on a date? What’s his name?”

Heather snarled to herself. “You know what? I’m free.” With that, she dragged Veronica inside and slammed the door shut behind her.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose-”

“You’re not. I promise,” she said bitterly. It was then that someone skidded out of the living room, who Veronica could only conclude was Hunter, with how young and scrawny he looked. Granted, he was taller than Heather, but that didn’t hide the whole ‘puberty just hit me’ look he had in his face.

“Hey, it’s you!” Hunter declared, pointing at her. “Aren’t you the one that Hayden said knew Heather as a kid?”

Veronica smiled awkwardly at him. “Uhh… maybe?” She looked at Heather for guidance, and saw her just groaning and rolling her eyes to herself.

“Yeah, yeah, we had a nice little reunion this year,” she muttered, grabbing Veronica’s arm again, probably about to drag her up the stairs and out of view. Veronica didn’t stop her - the firm hold on her arm was an oddly nice feeling.

Unfortunately, she didn’t get a chance to, as before they could take another step, a large, dark figure appeared behind Hunter, pushing past him with his hefty weight. His tail wagged furiously and his jaw hung open to let his large tongue flop out as he panted, and yet it did nothing to hide the huge teeth in his mouth.

Veronica screamed.

“Shit, sorry,” Heather sighed in exasperation, stepping between her and Bear, holding her back with one hand and trying to hold the huge dog in place with the other.

Next to them, Hunter let out a haughty laugh.

“What are you screamin’ at? Bear?” he snickered. “He’s not that scary.”

“Veronica doesn’t like dogs, Hunter,” Heather hissed as she held her hand above Bear, which somehow got him to sit down, in spite of how excited he looked.

“Aw come on, he ain’t that bad.” Hunter smirked as he looked at Bear, then back at Veronica. She could have shrunk in fear, realising he was definitely scheming something.

“Let him say hello!” Hunter then said, before shoving Heather to the side. She bumped against the wall and grunted, leaving a path that lead right to her, nothing stopping Bear from taking another step.

Meaning, Bear stood back up and stepped forward. Veronica was sure she’d crumble onto the floor out of pure fear as the dog’s nose came ever closer to her. She desperately wanted to run down the hallway and up the stairs, but her body had frozen up in terror.

“Hunter!” she heard Heather yell. “That’s not funny!”

“But look at her! She’s terrified!” Hunter cackled as he watched the whole scene play out in front of him. Veronica could only bite her quivering lip and press herself against the wall.

“ _Bear!_ Here, now!” Heather then snapped. Veronica looked over to her, and saw her standing a little ways down the corridor and gesturing to the space in front of her. She dared to look back to Bear, whose attention had been drawn to her, and thankfully away from Veronica. His tail wagged again, and he happily trotted over to his owner, oblivious to the current situation.

Veronica breathed out in relief. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. It should be Hunter saying anything,” Heather muttered as she gestured for Bear to go back into the living room, closing the door as soon as he was inside. “I’d tell him to say sorry, but he won’t.” She shot him a dangerous glare, to which he sulked.

“You always ruin the fun,” he grumbled, folding his arms.

“Your games are never fun. Cry about it.” She rolled her eyes as he pulled his tongue at her as he slipped back into the living room as well, before she walked over to Veronica and placing a hand on her arm. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” she breathed, a hand cradling her chest. “Just a bit shaken up.”

Heather sighed. “I was going to suggest staying here, but I think we’d probably be best leaving.” She gazed up at her pleadingly. “Can we please get out of here?”

“If that’s what you want, I don’t mind.” Veronica smiled at her. “We could go back to my house.”

“Better than here.”

With that, they both attempted to rush towards the stairs to let Heather go grab her essentials, only to be stopped once again, this time by a much worse threat.

“Heather, you didn’t say you were having friends over.”

A small woman, much smaller than Veronica, with black hair tied back in a tight bun and a modest dress covering her pudgy figure, who had been coming down the stairs, stopped just in front of them, blocking their path. Veronica had not seen this woman in maybe a decade, if not more, but she immediately recognised her as Heather’s mother.

“I didn’t realise I was,” Heather replied. Unfortunately for her, she still had to look up at her mother, even though the woman was already tiny herself. Clearly Heather had her height genes, but Veronica couldn’t help but wonder why she had still ended up so much shorter than her.

“I see. Have I met this one?” she gestured to Veronica. “I don’t think I’ve seen her before.”

Heather let out a long sigh.

“No, you haven’t,” she muttered, glancing to Veronica. Taking it as a sign that she should be polite, she stepped forward and held her hand out.

“Uh, I’m Veronica,” she stated with a smile.

“Veronica…?”

“Oh, Sawyer. Veronica Sawyer.”

Her mother shot her a suspicious glare, and though she accepted her hand shake, it was slow and cautious. Veronica wondered if she had done something wrong, but she couldn’t think what that could possibly be.

“I feel like I know you,” she said. “Are you sure we haven’t met?”

“Well, technically-”

“ _No,_ ” Heather cut in. Her mother simply cleared her throat.

“I’m asking Miss Sawyer, Heather,” she told her, before turning back to her calmly. Veronica bit her lip, having no idea what to say.

“I… uh…”

“How long have you lived in Sherwood, Veronica?”

“Um… all my life?”

“Did you go to Sherwood Elementary?”

“Y-yes?”

Heather dragged her hand down her face as her mother continued to interrogate her. Veronica started to wish the floor would open up and swallow her, with how much pressure this seemingly meaningless conversation was putting on her.

Finally, though, her mother relented her stare, passing it back to Duke. At first she was relieved, but then she took one look at Duke and her exhausted expression, and suddenly wished her eyes were back on her.

“You’re making friends with people who knew you back then?” she questioned. “Surely Veronica knows that you were Hux-”

“ _Mom!_ ” Heather snapped angrily. “That name’s been dead for _years!_ I’ve told you before not to call me that.”

“Don’t you expect Veronica to not remember you as hi-”

“Um, with all due respect, Mrs Duke,” Veronica cut in, ignoring the feeling of fear she felt in facing her, letting herself be controlled by her own growing anger. “I know several people who were born as a different gender, and I have not once thought to call them by their deadname.” She gave a glimpse to Heather. “That includes Heather too.”

Her mother stared at her for a moment, practically pinning her in place. Then Heather spoke up.

“Good talk. We’re leaving.” She tugged Veronica forward, and she was led around the smaller woman in their path. “Come on, V.”

“You’re not going to introduce her to the rest of the family?”

“You all remember her. I don’t need to do that.” She didn’t give her mother another chance to speak, and Veronica couldn’t blame her. She knew her family was bad, but she hadn’t known what to expect. Somehow, them being incredibly invasive and downright _rude_ wasn’t up their with the list of things she should be prepared for.

Soon enough they made it to Heather’s room, and she finally let go of Veronica’s arm. Veronica watched her slowly walk over to her bed, up until she was in reach of a pillow. She snatched it up and pressed it against her face, letting out a muffled scream. Veronica grimaced with sympathy.

“Is your family always that bad?” she asked, immediately regretting the words that left her mouth. Only when she heard them out loud did she realise how depressing that sounded.

Heather, pillow still on her face, peeked at her with one uncovered eye.

“Usually they’re worse, actually,” she mumbled, finally dropping the pillow. “But only when Heather or Heather are around. Mainly Heather.”

“Wh… which Heather?”

“The one I’m not dating.”

“Ah.”

Heather let out an exasperated sigh and slumped onto her bed. “Thanks for giving me an excuse to escape. Could you go grab my jacket for me?” She gestured to her wardrobe further down her room, and Veronica nodded.

“Yeah.” She walked over to the wardrobe and opened it up, immediately met with mostly greens, blacks, whites and browns inside. With the occasional splash of red, of course. “Uh… which one?”

“I dunno. Surprise me.”

Veronica gazed at her choices thoughtfully for a moment, before settling on something that may not be Heather’s first choice, but certainly would be hers.

“This one gives me memories,” She said, taking a denim jacket off of its hanger. “Remember when I nearly got a concussion, and then I had to wear your clothes to school the next day? Good times.”

Heather rolled her eyes and held out her hands. “Toss it.”

Veronica did exactly that, then closed the doors behind her. As she did so, a large, glistening object caught her attention, sitting on a desk in between the wardrobe and a wall.

“Is this your axolotl?” she asked, shuffling over to get a closer look.

“Yeah. You’ll see Bubblez in there somewhere.”

Veronica looked around the tank, searching for any sign of an animal. It was then when her eyes landed on a tiny pink figure, swimming around contently with an adorable little face that looked very similar to a big, goofy smile. Maybe it was his permanent expression, maybe it was the little dots he had for eyes, but Bubblez was more adorable than she could have ever pictured.

“He’s _so cute!_ ” Veronica squealed. “I’ve never seen an axolotl in my life. Never even heard of one until I met you.”

“He is. One of the only two reasons I like coming home.”

“What’s the other reason?”

“Bear.”

Veronica nodded in understanding. “Ah.” She straightened herself up, then looked back at Heather.

She’d already put the denim jacket on, and was currently busy brushing out her black curls. Veronica couldn’t stop staring.

Here’s the big, stupid thing. Veronica knew that she had a type, and while that type differed for guys and girls, she knew there was one thing they shared in common. She liked someone that showed _power_ in some way; it was always a specific type of power, often rebellious in some way, but power regardless. She’d already decided that it was because she liked the sense of enthrallment she felt with those types of people, it was always so _exciting_.

Her attraction to Chandler was therefore obvious as to the reasons why. With Mara, you could say it was more questionable, since power wasn’t really part of her aesthetic. Not really.

When it came to Duke, though, Veronica could quite easily see it - she could this whole time. Despite that, however, she always had found it _irritating_. Her sense of entitlement had been annoying, her using sarcasm to dismiss anyone she wanted, her judgmental glare she shot people from across the room, it had all gotten under her skin.

Now, she thinks she knows why, because she hadn’t felt like that in a while. That smugness that she’d always shown off was something she’d associated with her _abandoning_ her.

But that was a thing of the past. Now, she was staring at her, dressed up in shredded denim, black leggings that emphasised her curves, black swirls framing her round face, black boots being slipped on her feet.

Now, she looked… hot? _What?_

“Did you need to go back to your house to do your homework?” Heather spoke again, snapping Veronica out of her thoughts. She blinked.

“Huh? Oh, no. Not really. It isn’t due tomorrow.”

“Good, because we’re not going to your house,” Heather said, making her way towards the door. “Come on.”

She grabbed her keys off the top of the drawers next to her door before opening it up and making her leave, Veronica quickly catching up and following her from close behind.

“Where are we going?” she asked. Heather didn’t reply, not until they had escaped the house and were walking down the pathway towards her car.

“I figured since Heather and Emmy are busy on their date,” she stated, unlocking her car and opening up the car door. “I’d take a trip down memory lane in the meantime.”

Veronica wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but decided to not question her any further, letting her drive her off somewhere unknown.

* * *

“Oh, should we get the hot dogs?” Ram said to Kurt, pointing to somewhere on the menu in front of the two of them.

“Nah, dude, we should get the corn dogs.”

Heather sighed as she watched the argument commence, her cheek pressing against her palm. Her foundation was quite possibly rubbing off onto her hand, but at this point, she didn’t care. She’d stopped caring about this date before it had even begun, so never mind keeping up all the perfections she’d usually call necessary.

“Aren’t they the same thing?” she heard Mac whisper next to her. She looked to her - a much more interesting sight than either of their dates, even when she was simply sitting still - and sighed.

“One has a stick through it.”

“Yeah, but… basically the same meal, right?”

Heather shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right.” She looked back to Kurt and Ram. They were still bickering.

“Hot dogs!”

“Corn dogs!”

“Dude, hot dogs are the way to go here.”

“No, man, corn dogs!”

“ _How about-_ ” Heather interrupted, leaning forward, “-we just get a pizza?”

Kurt and Ram blinked at her, before both grinning and nodding.

“See, that was going to be my next suggestion,” Ram said smugly.

“Same here, dude!” Kurt said. They both grinned at each other stupidly.

“Punch it in!” Ram hollered, holding his hand up so that they could bump fists. Heather covered her eyes with her hand so that she could roll them, and not long after, a waitress came to take their order. Ram and Kurt spoke for all four of them, including their drinks.

Which, by the way, he got wrong. Mac didn’t want wine, she wanted pink lemonade.

She glanced at her again, and saw that she was failing to smile. She could hardly blame her - these two were already getting on her last nerve, but at least they’d gotten her drink right. Mac didn’t even _like_ wine.

She couldn’t help but feel the sting of regret in her chest. Perhaps bringing her along on this date was a mistake.

“We’re just gonna go to the bathroom, by the way. Also, we might stop and say hi to my uncle,” Ram suddenly said. Heather could hardly fake being upset.

“Yeah, whatever,” she muttered. _Take your time. Please._

She watched them stand up and leave, soon out of her sight. For the first time that night, she felt like she could breathe freely - everything had felt so _suffocating_ with them around. She let out a much needed exhale, before looking to Mac.

“You holding up?”

Mac blinked up at her. “I guess.”

Heather frowned. “I didn’t think they’d be this unbearable.”

Mac deadpanned at her.

“Okay, so maybe I did.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “But it’s just one night. Nothing’s gonna come from this.”

That didn’t seem to make anything any better. Mac just sighed in defeat, slumping back against the plush seat behind her, staring out the window.

“This isn’t fair,” she muttered. “I want to be on a date with _you_ , and only you.”

Heather felt her heart skip a beat in hearing that, even if the sentiment was bittersweet.

“I want that too,” she murmured. “But you know we can’t.”

Mac glimpsed at her.

“You really think we can’t figure anything out?” she questioned. “Chandy, I’m sure there’s a way we could go on a date without raising suspicions. We already link arms all the time, and no one’s suspected anything about that. How many times have people assumed that we were sisters?”

“Not many, because we’re different races.”

“But it’s still happened!” She leaned towards her. “I know you get nervous about these things, and I haven’t forgotten why.”

Heather grinded her teeth together, feeling discomfort thinking about those rumours, which while old, were still fresh in her mind. 

“I’ll stick by you for the rest of the night, but do you think that maybe…” She shrugged. “We could think of something to do together? It doesn’t have to be just us! Veronica could join us too, and maybe Heather could join me.” She stared off elsewhere in the restaurant, likely looking for any signs of Kurt or Ram. Heather followed her gaze and saw that they had appeared again, but they weren’t making their way over to their table quite yet, instead making their way over to the bar to go start a conversation with Ram’s uncle. Then, Mac spoke again.

“Just… anything other than this,” she said, lowering her voice. “This all feels wrong.”

“It’s not real,” she reminded her. Mac stared up at her pleadingly.

“It _feels_ real!” she carped. “Perhaps it wouldn’t if we weren’t on dates with the first guys we ever tried anything with.” She fiddled with the hem of her dress. “But now it feels like we’re doing the whole _meant to be_ bullshit.”

Heather’s heart sank at the realisation. She hadn’t made that connection until now, and now that she’d made it, she began to feel a little ill. She wasn’t even sure why, exactly. Perhaps sitting here felt like being stuck in the past?

Not they they had anymore time to discuss it. Kurt and Ram returned, apparently having found their waitress on the way as they carried their own and their date’s drinks respectively.

“Hope we weren’t gone too long,” Ram said, sitting down opposite her. She remembered to lock eyes with him, offering a faux smile as she took her drink from him.

“Not at all,” she said. _You weren’t gone long enough._

“So how are liking this place so far?” Ram then asked. She blinked at him in surprise, honestly having not expected him to try and make conversation. “It’s pretty great, don’t you think?”

Heather looked around the restaurant. It was average at best. It was nothing fancy, but at least it was good enough to have a good amount of customers to fill it up enough so that their chatter would drown out anything that Heather and Mac would whisper to one another. It wasn’t enough to forgive the old, shredded booth seats though, such as the very one she sat on.

“It’s okay,” she mumbled, forcing herself to keep looking at him. Don’t look away. Don’t stare at Mac. _Don’t look at your girlfriend._ A ridiculous statement, she knew, but it was one she would have to keep repeating in her head the rest of the night.

 _And yet…_ She fingers twitched under the table, shifting to her right ever so slightly, sliding off her thigh. _Just because I can’t look at her._

“Didn’t you join the soccer team?” Kurt speaking caught her attention. She glanced at him, trying to not shoot him sour looks, like she had been doing all night.

She didn’t like him being near Mac. She never had.

“Oh. Yeah, I did,” Mac said, her voice mumbling a little. Whenever she didn’t speak, she would take a sip of her drink, clearly as a distraction rather than her actually enjoying the taste.

“How’s that going for you? Pretty ambitious for you, in my opinion.”

Kurt continued talking, and Heather’s hand continued moving. She knew Ram was trying to talk to her too, but he only got one-word answers in response. Her eyes had already wandered elsewhere, staring at the bubbles in her drink shoot up to the surface. It was far more engaging than anything Ram was trying to say.

“Oh, have you met Hale yet?” Kurt said with a chortle. “Haven’t really spoken to him much, but apparently he’s meant to be really gay.”

Just as he finished speaking, Heather’s hand stopped, having landed on top of Mac’s. Under her fingertips, she felt her tense up.

“Uh- gay? Huh?” She shot a quick glance at her as she fumbled her words. Her lids fluttered, as if she were trying to bring herself back into the conversation, having been distracted. Which she had. It was Heather’s fault. And no, she didn’t regret doing it.

If anything, she was pretty smug that a simple touch had caught Mac’s attention more than anything that came out of Kurt’s mouth did. Knowing their hands were out of view, she tightened her grip, slipping her fingers in between Mac’s, locking their contact with a firm, possessive hold.

“Yeah, apparently,” Ram suddenly joined in, and Heather tuned into their discussion out of pure curiosity.

“I dunno. Hale was pretty nice to me during the tryouts,” Mac said.

“Exactly!” Kurt exclaimed. “He’s meant to be so _soft_.”

Heather silently rolled her eyes at their comments, while Mac just frowned, clutching onto Heather’s hand even tighter.

“I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Kurt and Ram exchanged a questionable look, before shrugging it off.

“You’re probably just siding with him because he was nice to you,” Ram stated. Heather wanted to snarl at him.

_Don’t speak for her._

“Yeah, you’ll see what we mean,” Kurt agreed.

Both Heather and Mac didn’t let the conversation go on any further, and instead both fell silent, listening to whatever the two of them were going to ramble on about next. As time went by, Heather felt the thigh under her hand shift. Forcing herself to not look to her side, not wanting to look suspicious, she felt Mac shuffle just a little bit closer, ever so subtly.

It was funny. How Ram and Kurt had both taken the lead, thinking they had won a great prize by taking them both out on a date. Instead, they were so, so fucking oblivious to what was happening under the table. How Heather felt a warm, muscular thigh against her own, one that her hand felt complied to explore. As Ram talked about his upcoming football game in hopes of impressing her, her hand wandered a little further. Nowhere explicit, only stroking her inner thigh. As Kurt yammered on about a fishing trip he and his dad went on the other week, she found herself lost in her own thoughts as she wondered what it would be like to nibble and lick the very skin her fingertips stroked.

As much as she despised the scenario she had forced herself into, as much as she hated feeling of being trapped in what should be the past, the feeling of wandering hands under the table was enough to remind her that none of it was real.

Heather was done with Ram, with Kurt, and with anyone like them. It was a thing of the past, and while no one but her and her inner circle knew that, it didn’t matter.

All that mattered was that she knew it was over. She wanted to move forward, and with the hand that she currently held out of anyone’s view, she knew that she could do exactly that.

* * *

“Oh no, you’re not taking me to tip cows, are you?” Veronica griped, though it was followed by laughter. Duke snorted.

“As a germaphobe, absolutely not,” she said as she hopped the crumbling stone wall. Veronica raised a brow.

“I feel like a germaphobe and a bulimic is some sort of paradox,” Veronica said as she swung her feet over the wall as well. “I’m not trying to be mean when I say this, but isn’t it kinda… messy?”

“You can say gross, you know,” Heather told her, turning around and walking backwards to maintain eye contact with her. Veronica appreciated it. She liked looking at her when they talked. “Not, like, being bulimic as a whole, I just mean the vomit part."

“Yeah, that’s what I meant,” Veronica said, catching up with her to walk by her side, letting Heather face forward as she walked again. “You’re not gross.”

“Thanks, I like to make an effort,” Heather replied, before glancing over her shoulder. “Say, which rock do you think it was that you fell on all those weeks ago?”

Veronica followed her gaze to the wall they had left behind. “Beats me, could have been anywhere.” She then looked ahead, met with the familiar forest up ahead, dark and overgrown, with no path for them to follow. How the hell either of them had made it through there in heels and nice dresses was beyond her. “Is going in there the best plan?” she asked as they wandered further into the depths. “I can’t see shit.”

“I came prepared,” Heather said with a grin. Veronica looked at her curiously, and heard the jingle of her keys being taken out of her pocket. A little bit of fidgeting was all it took before a tiny, yet bright little flashlight that had been hidden by the rest of her key chains was switched on, casting a tunnel of light up ahead. It wasn’t much, but for a tiny gadget, it was pretty efficient. Veronica gave a complimentary huff.

“You came prepared.”

“Can’t say the same about you,” Heather shot back, stepping over a particularly large tree root and stumbling ahead. Veronica scoffed at her.

“I didn’t know I was coming here!” she said, stumbling after her. “Hell, I didn’t think you’d ever _want_ to come back here!”

Heather shrugged, pointing the flashlight up to the looming branches above. Veronica glanced up with her, realising she could hardly see any sky above her, and if she did, then she couldn’t see any of the stars that had been showing up here and there.

“Usually I’m not much of an explorer, but I’m filled with spite,” she said. “I associate this place with Kurt and Ram being dicks to us, so I’m changing it to us just having a little adventure.” She pointed the flashlight directly at her, and Veronica squinted, shielding her eyes from the light. “How about it? Don’t suppose you like venturing into places?”

“Sometimes,” she said. “I go on walks sometimes if I want to relax. Oh, and I’ve been known to trespass on abandoned buildings,” she added with a fond chuckle. “But it’s been quite a few years since then.”

“Interesting. Did you find any dead bodies?”

“No dead humans. We found a raccoon corpse, though.” She pouted. “I got upset over it. Betty and I made a funeral for him. Rest in peace, Rocky Lotor the Third.”

“Sounds… fun?” Heather gave her a questionable look. “But if we come across an abandoned cabin in these woods, don’t expect me to follow you in. Honestly, that sounds gross.”

“With the webs and dust and bug infestations? You’re not wrong.” Veronica leaped over a rock, just for the fun of it. She felt oddly energised, despite it only being halfway through the week, and having school first thing tomorrow morning. Perhaps spending time with Heather was just that exciting.

A little way further into the forest, and the other side was beginning to show through. While they had gone in a different direction than the last time they had been here, they were still close to the cow pastures, from what Veronica could see through the trees in the distance. That clearly wasn’t their destination, though, as Heather swerved at the sight of the fields to make her way back into the forest. Veronica stuck close to her side, not wanting to lose sight of her at any point.

Looking around the many different trees surrounding them, her eyes landed on one up ahead, leaning over with branches hanging low.

“Did you ever climb those types of trees as a kid?” she asked, pointing towards it. Heather shook her head.

“The most I’ve ever done is sit on the trunk.”

“Oh, I’ve climbed them all the way up to the thinnest branch,” Veronica said, not a hint of shame for boasting.

“Did you fall off?”

Veronica’s tone grew less proud.

“...Yes.” She darted over to the tree. “But that was years ago! I’m sure I could do it now with no problem. You’ve seen me climb trees before.”

“Ah, so this is the origin of your tree climbing skills?” she asked, watching Veronica as she hopped onto the trunk. The bark was a little moist and probably quite slippery, but Veronica ignored it, shuffling a little further up.

“Technically, that would be my acrobatic days,” she said. “I have pretty good balance.”

Heather gazed up at her and snickered. “From what I have seen at parties, I think you’ve lost your touch, Sawyer.”

Veronica gasped, hand on her chest. “Even the notion!” She then glanced down at the branch that she was sat on. While thinner than the trunk, it was still fairly wide and definitely sturdy, with how it had not even wobbled when she’d crawled along it. An idea came to mind. A stupid one, a very, very unnecessary one, but… there was a chance it would impress Heather, so she went along with it.

“What are you doing?” she heard Heather ask as she began to shift her position. She hung both her legs on either side of the branch and tightly held it with her hands. She didn’t reply to her, instead just falling to the side and finding amusement in how Heather yelped in fear as she swung around. Once she was successfully hanging from the branch upside down, her hands let go and she folded them smugly, gazing at Heather with a pompous grin as she clinged onto the tree with only her legs.

“You wanna take that back?” she said. Heather eyed her down and up, before giggling at her. It was a softer, sweeter giggle than her usual laughs that often came from other’s expense. It made her smile.

“Fine. But you’re getting yourself down from there,” she said, before leaving her to climb onto the tree trunk. She did so less gracefully, with how she had much shorter legs than she did, but it was amusing to watch. Cute, even.

Veronica, with a little bit of strain, managed to lift herself back onto the branch again, though she decided to not climb the tree any further due to the possibility of slipping. She instead slid back down onto the dip in the trunk, sitting opposite Heather with her back resting against the branch.

“Are we taking a break from our hike?” she asked. Heather shrugged.

“I don’t think we should go too far in the dark,” she said. “This flashlight is battery powered. I don’t want it to run out.”

“You can turn it off now if you need to,” Veronica said. “We can just talk in the dark.”

“Good plan.”

With that, Heather switched it off. Veronica could still make out her face, though she couldn’t decipher the details. The distance lamps from the path circling the edge of the forest only do so much.

“Thanks for rescuing me from my family,” Heather suddenly said. Veronica smiled.

“It wasn’t intentional, but I’m glad I could help.” Her smile faltered. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“You’re…” She bit her tongue, trying to figure out the right wording. “You’re very strong, Heather.”

She could see Heather’s eyes grow a little wider. She was paying attention.

“I’m not sure if I could live with a family like that. I dunno, I’m just… I’m really impressed that you’re able to cope."

“Barely,” Heather scoffed, before her tone softened. “But… thank you.” She paused for a moment. “Like, actually, _thank you_ , that really means a lot.”

Veronica smiled again.

“It’s not just with your family. You’re tough with everyone - _admirably_ so.”

Heather tilted her head in intrigue. “Elaborate.”

“Well, for example, when we were here with Kurt and Ram.” She looked around the forest, picturing them both stumbling through it the way they had on that date. “You were basically defenseless, but you still held your head up? You have a really sharp tongue, you were able to threaten them both like it was nothing.” She chuckled. “Were you even scared?”

Heather’s eyes drifted away from her. “Yes,” she murmured. Veronica, surprised by her answered, leaned forward to hear her reply. Heather continued,

“If I act like that, it’s likely that I’m just scared,” she confessed, her voice quiet as if there were anyone else out there who could hear them. “I’ve learned over the years, though, that acting scared does nothing.” Her gaze hardened as she stared back at Veronica. “When you’re scared, you look helpless. It shows that they got to you, that they’re in control of how you react. Because when you’re scared, you can only do what you can to survive, which… isn’t much.” She rested her arms on her knees and sighed. “I learned, though, if you put on a tough face, if you actually put up a fight, even if you know you can’t win, they’re likely to not bother you. You’re just too much effort.”

Veronica stared at her, a little taken aback by her answer. She never considered there being an actual method behind it. She assumed that Heather was just… like that.

“But I don’t see why you find that so admirable,” Heather then said. “You don’t take much shit yourself.”

Veronica grimaced, letting her hair flop over her face, hiding it.

“I like to think I don’t,” she mumbled. “But clearly I’m not very good at defending myself. If that was the case, I wouldn’t have felt the need to join the Heathers.”

Heather gazed at her curiously, and Veronica decided to continue.

“Martha and I always depended on Betty in middle school, but when she left… I dunno, no one ever _assigned_ me any role or anything, but I felt like I was the one who should be protecting us both - I was next in line. And I did do that. I did it for years.” She ran her hand through her hair. “But I guess I just wasn’t tough enough. Not like you. Three years of it and I’d had enough. I did the only thing I could do, and latched onto you guys. I couldn’t take another year of it.”

She rested her head back against the branch behind her, not caring if pieces of bark were tangling themselves in her messy locks.

“I’m not trying to say that I regret becoming friends with any of you,” she murmured, “but I think it was the most cowardly thing I have ever done.”

There was a pause. Veronica understood what she had just said could be taken in a horribly offensive way. Strangely enough, though, she wasn’t too scared to look back at Heather to search for a reaction.

She was met with a blank stare at first. Heather’s expression was unreadable, and for while, she remained silent.

“I agree,” she eventually said in a quiet voice. Veronica lifted her chin up with intrigue.

“That I’m a coward?”

“More of just the general sentiment of being a Heather making you a coward.” She grimaced nervously, before shuffling a little closer. Their knees touched. “You cannot - and I repeat - _cannot_ say a word of what I’m about to say to Heather _or_ Heather. Understand?”

Veronica nodded. “Lips are sealed.”

Heather let out a sigh. “I never wanted to be a Heather. Back in middle school, when Heather started to build up this image of us… it felt _wrong_ .” Her arms curled around her stomach. “How everyone would look to our wealth and our beauty. I don’t blame Heather for it… she didn’t know it was hurting me. I’m not even sure _I_ knew. But using all of that stuff to be at the centre of everyone’s attention was out of my comfort zone.”

A little surprised, Veronica shuffled a little closer to her. Heather continued. Veronica could hear her voice clearer.

“Everything we stand for, everything we do, it doesn’t feel like _me_ . Like… Heather has known me since sixth grade, and she _still_ doesn’t know that I’m an introvert, and that I’ve never really liked parties.”

Veronica widened her eyes. “You don’t?”

“Not in the slightest. Too much interaction.”

“How have you survived all these years?”

“I don’t know if I have.” Heather frowned. “But in spite of all of that… I still kind of enjoy it? I don’t like what I have to do to stay a Heather, but the actual control I have over everyone? It’s… nice. It’s selfish, it’s evil, it’s bad. But it feels good. Being above everyone. No worries, no one bothering you.” She then rolled her eyes. “Except for horny guys at parties, I guess.”

Veronica shot her a skeptical look. “If you know being a Heather is just _so_ immoral, why do you keep at it? Why not… I don’t know… try to make a difference?”

Heather shrugged.

“It’s just the way things are, isn’t it?” she mused. “If any of us stepped down, someone would fill in the hole we left - quite eagerly so. Why do you think Heather’s so paranoid about her reputation?” She let out a bitter laugh. “I hate to admit it, but she’s right. One slip up, and we’d become nothing.” She tilted her head. “But surely you know that? You haven’t changed the status quo at all. I’m assuming it’s because you know that it’s far too rigid to change.” When Veronica shifted uncomfortably, Heather sighed. “Look, I get it. It’s a selfish decision to remain at the top and do anything that’s necessary to stay there. But sometimes… being selfish is what’s necessary to protect yourself.” Her tone softened. “I’m not saying I like that that’s how it works, but I don’t see how I could possibly change that, V.”

Her words sunk in, and Veronica sighed.

“As much as I hate to admit it,” she grumbled, “I can’t argue with you. If I could do something to change the status quo, where Heathers and Marthas could get along without so much hassle, I would. Hell, I’ve gone so far as defending and protecting Martha as a Heather, and yet still not much has changed.” She stared off into the distance. “We’re still in different cliques, and I’m constantly swapping. It always feels like my two images clash.”

“You still manage, and you don’t really care when people point it out,” Heather pointed out. “You went so far as to invite them to a party full of people who would usually make fun of them. As in, you _genuinely_ invited them. And hey, nothing bad happened either. Except for Martha getting a hangover, perhaps.”

Veronica chuckled fondly. “She didn’t get a hangover, apparently.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. She’s one of _those_.”

“Karma’s been good to her, I see.” She snickered. “I haven’t actually seen any of them around this week, though. Where are they all?”

“Avoiding Heather Chandler,” Veronica said. “Betty knows that Heather’s out for her blood because of the whole tattoo thing. Oh, and she said to me that she knew I’d like the tattoo, so it _wasn’t that bad_ . And I can’t be mad because _she’s right._ ”

“Even though she did it when you were blackout drunk?”

“I’m mad at her for that,” she grumbled. “But I do actually like the tattoo. She got _lucky_.”

Heather bit the inside of her cheek in a guilty manner. Veronica squinted at her suspiciously.

“What’s that face for?”

“I… sort of lied when I said I didn’t know where you got the tattoos from,” she confessed. “It’s a bit hazy, but I remember it happening.”

Veronica gaped at her, feeling _betrayed_. “Did you at least try and stop us?”

“No, I happily watched it happen.”

“You bitch!” She fake-hit her arm, not stopping a smile creeping on her face as she did so. Heather yelped in surprise and attempted to shuffle back as best she could on the rough bark. As she was being assaulted, Veronica could hear a giggle escape her lips. It was soft, a pleasant sound. Cute? Sure. Let’s go with that.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Heather,” Veronica said, retracting her hands from her. Heather let out a sigh of relief.

“Thanks.” She held her smile for a moment, before it fell. “Um… can I… can I ask you something? It’s a bit unrelated, but…”

Her voice trailed off, and Veronica gave a nod.

“Of course.”

Heather chewed on her lip. “I… I was talking to Betty about something during that party. It’s what I was doing when you found me.” She looked up at her, her eyes glassy. Suddenly, someone who Veronica perceived as hard-headed and strong looked incredibly vulnerable. Her jaw was hanging open, twitching as she tried to get her words out, but she remained quiet. Veronica placed a hand on her arm and gave her a consoling smile.

“Whatever it is, I won’t judge you for it.”

Heather gave her a brief half-smile, before exhaling sharply.

“When I got with Emmy, I thought everything would just… fall into place,” she began. “Why I’ve never liked being with guys. Why I’ve never felt anything that had been described to me by everyone around me. Why I never liked _sex_ .” She shuddered. “That was always the worst part.” She looked up. “But then I realised I was actually _feeling_ something for someone. Sure, it was a girl, and not ideal, but it was just a relief to finally feel something, you know? I hadn’t felt anything like that in years, and it had never been that intense.”

“That’s good!” Veronica said. “You figured yourself out, right?”

Heather frowned. “That’s just it. I don’t think I have.”

“You don’t?”

“No.” Her legs unfolded and she hunched forward, a look of distress on her face. Veronica also unfolded her legs so that she could shuffle a little closer.

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” she murmured. “It’s… it’s not that I don’t think I’m attracted to girls, but it’s difficult for me to understand how everyone else has always described sex. I…” She shrank a little. “Betty suggested I was asexual. Like, I don’t experience any sexual attraction? But I don’t get how that’s possible! I still want to have sex? I think…” She ran her hands through her hair and groaned. “I just… I just wish my feelings towards it was more _simple!_ Why can’t I just figure myself out?”

Veronica blinked at her, a little surprised by the revelation.

“You don’t feel sexual attraction?” she asked. “Have you had sex with Heather yet?”

“No… but I want to try,” she said. “But I’m scared I won’t enjoy it, even if I _am_ attracted to her in some sense. I just don’t know if that sense is sexual.” She looked up at Veronica. “What about you? How would you describe your attraction to Heather?”

“Mara?”

She nodded.

“Right… uh…” She thought for a moment. “Well, for one, I really like how muscular she is. I think that’s an obvious one. Like, abs? Hot.”

“Yeah, but what’s so hot about it?”

“...Firm.” Veronica tilted her head. “What, do you not get the same?”

“I mean… I like her being strong?” she said. “The implication that she can just lift me up is a nice thought.” She shrugged. “But that has nothing to do with how she _looks_ . And I wouldn’t describe it as ‘hot’ - I wouldn’t describe _anything_ as hot, come to think of it. I don’t know what ‘hot’ _is!_ ”

“It’s like… uh… damn, she’s hot? Or…” Her face grew a little hotter, and she averted her gaze. “Damn… I would slap that ass.” That was no more than a mumble. “You don’t ever get that urge?”  
  
“No!”

“Not even with Heather?”

“No? I don’t think so!” She shrugged again. “I’m not opposed to it, but I could go my whole life without doing that, or anything similar like staring at cleavage or whatever else you guys do. And even the whole wanting to have sex thing is minimal.” She groaned in frustration. “Maybe I just need to try it, and everything will be fixed.”

“Heather, there’s nothing _wrong_ with you-”

Hands landing on her jawline cut her off. Heather stared at her sternly.

“Kiss me,” she told her. Veronica’s words got caught in her throat, and she stammered.

“I-wh...what?”

“I need to figure this out, V,” she begged. “All the guys I’ve ever kissed were repulsive, and I came out hating each one more than the last. But when I kissed Emmy, it felt _nice_.” She stared at her. “I need to see what my stance on girls are.”

“Wh… wait, okay, so are you trying to see if you’re gonna get… turned on by this?” Veronica stared at her in disbelief, and she prayed that she couldn’t feel just how hot her face was getting. At least she couldn’t see the blush that was likely forming. “Heather, I don’t think just a kiss will do that.”

Heather narrowed her eyes in determination. “Fine. Make out with me. Imagine I’m Heather or Heather, and do whatever you’d do to turn them on.”

Veronica’s jaw was hanging, and a squeak easily escaped. Her heart was slamming against her chest, out of either fear or excitement. Excitement? No. Fear.

“A-are you sure you want me to do that?” she managed to say through her stuttering. Heather did hesitate, a glint of doubt in her eyes, but she shook it off.

“So long as you stay away from… here.” She gestured to her groin, and Veronica nodded.

“Anywhere else?”

Heather eyed herself up and down, and shook her head.

“No. Go crazy. I’ll just shove you off if I need you to stop.” She released Veronica and sat back, sitting up straight. Veronica swallowed, realising just how dry her throat had become. She bit down on her lip, staring at Heather for a good long while. Heather frowned.

“Are you just going to sit there?”

“Oh. _Oh._ Right. Just… just wondering if Heather and Heather will be okay with this”

Heather rolled her eyes. “We kissed once before and they were fine with it. Besides, this isn’t real. It’s for experimentation.”

She cleared her throat and shuffled towards her. _This isn‘t real,_ she reminded herself. She placed her fingertips just under her chin to tilt it up, and in staring at the small, soft-looking lips in front of her, she thought her heart may collapse from exhaustion with how much it was pounding. When Heather fluttered her eyes shut, the reality of what was about to happen dawned on her.

 _Just get it over with,_ she told herself. With that, she took a deep breath.

Heather’s lips were exactly how she remembered them from their ever so brief kiss on New Year’s. Soft, oddly gentle, maybe even a bit nervous. It was such a contrast to her usual hard-headed attitude, and maybe it was that idea that made it so thrilling. Something in her chest swelled. Enthrallment, perhaps.

She started out slow, wanting to make sure Heather was comfortable with what she was doing. She caressed her lips lightly, with her fingertips hardly touching her jaw to hold her up, allowing her to be able to pull away whenever she wanted.

It was Heather who deepened the kiss. She tilted her head to the side, and quickened her movements, and Veronica took it as a sign to go further. Her whole body hot with anticipation, she pushed Heather back a little, just to give herself enough room to climb on her waist, straddling her. She did so slowly, and when Heather gave no sign of protest, one hand snaked around to the small of her back and pulled her closer, pressing her chest against her own.

 _Oh… she has a lot of chest,_ was her first thought. Trying to save her urges for later, she focused on their prolonged kiss. Their motions had become rough, but it wasn’t as intimate as it could be. She built up her courage and flickered her tongue over her lips, to which the invitation was accepted. She slid her tongue into her mouth, and when it came into contact with Heather’s, Veronica had to make a conscious effort to stop herself from melting.

She kept going, becoming more intimate. Her hands slipped under her shirt - only staying at her sides at first - and soft strokes over bare skin became needy grabbing. Her fingers curled and left scratch marks, she would occasionally bite down on her lip and give it a slight pull. Everything was so dizzying, Veronica had lost track on what exactly she was doing - it had all come so naturally.

Heather didn’t do much herself, and Veronica assumed it was because this was all fake. Veronica was simply searching for her buttons, that is, if she had any. She didn’t need to give anything, she was simply trying to receive something - _anything_.

The whole time, though, she hadn’t reacted. Other than the occasional pull towards her, she’d done little to hint that she’d actively enjoyed anything.

That is, until her hand wandered up again, almost subconsciously grabbing a fistful of hair and lightly tugging. Their kiss broke off, and Heather let out a squeak. At first Veronica thought she had hurt her, and her eyes flashed open. She saw Heather’s lids fluttering, looking dazed.

“Are you okay?” Veronica asked. Heather blinked at her, and nodded.

“Fine. Keep going.”

Heather shot forward again, catching Veronica by surprise, and Veronica resumed.

She tugged on her hair again, this time a little harder, and Heather grunted. Something coiled in Veronica’s stomach.

She tried scratching down Heather’s back. She didn’t react.

She broke away from her lips and trailed kisses down her neck. She let out a sigh that Veronica was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to hear.

She let her hand wander further down to cup her ass. Heather did react, though Veronica was pretty sure she enjoyed it even more than her.

Her hands both slowly wandered up again, this time to the front. One hand brushed over her chest, over clothes, and gave a slight squeeze. At first, Heather leaned into it. Then, Veronica was pushed away with a hand. Her head was so dizzy, she didn’t realise what was happening, and almost moved forward to resume what she was doing.

Then she saw Heather breathing in deeply, brushing her hair back into place and straightening out her clothes. She was done.

Though Veronica was able to bring herself back into reality, she couldn’t quite shake off the hazy feeling swirling around in her head. _I want to keep going._

“Are we done?” she asked. Heather nodded.

“Yeah, that’s… that’s all I’ll need.” She wiped her chin with her thumb, likely cleaning off any stray saliva.

“So?” Veronica leaned forward slightly. “How do you feel?” _Please say really good. Say you want to keep going._

“Better than if a guy had done that,” she said. Veronica couldn’t catch her gaze. “Overall I’m… fine.”

“Do you-” _want to continue._ Veronica bit her tongue, silencing herself. “I mean… if someone came up to you and did that, would you want to keep going?”

Heather let out a hum.

“It would depend on who they were,” she said. “If it were Heather, I think so. If I didn’t even know their name… probably not.”

Ouch. Why did that sting?

“What if the stranger was just as attractive as Heather?” Veronica asked. “Maybe they look really similar.”

Heather remained quiet for a moment, thinking.

“I don’t think so,” she said. Her voice sounded a little more confident than it had before. “It… it had nothing to do with how you look.”

Veronica raised her brow ~~hopefully~~ curiously.

“So… you _did_ enjoy it?”

“Um…” Heather still didn’t look at her. “Look, uh, from what I can gather, I’m definitely attracted to girls. I didn’t find that repulsing like I usually would.” She finally looked up at her. Veronica hid her disappointment to her averting the question. “I’m not- I’m not saying I want that to continue, I’m just saying that I’m _neutral_ about it, from what I can tell. It’s like, my attraction to someone has absolutely no bearing on whether or not I want to be intimate with them, and-”

“Hey, Heather?”

Heather shut her mouth, and Veronica sighed.

“I’m glad you could find more answers out of this, but there’s only so many I can give you,” she said. “Why haven’t you talked to Heather about this? She’d be understanding, I’m sure.”

Heather bit her lip.

“I wanted to find the answers first,” she murmured. “I didn’t want to go to her as a confused mess. I wanted to see if I could figure this out, so she wouldn’t have to deal with me not knowing.” She hissed bitterly. “And I feel like I have, maybe I really am asexual. Maybe my sex drive works, but my sexual attraction doesn’t. And yet, I _still_ feel confused!” she yelled. “I’m scared! I don’t want to confuse her with how I feel. Why can’t it just be _simple?_ ”

Veronica placed her hands on her tense shoulders, and under her palms, they fell. Heather exhaled and looked up at her, suddenly calm. Veronica sighed.

“Heather, I don’t understand how you feel, I’ll admit. But I know what it’s like to just want things to be simple.” She gave a bittersweet smile. “It’s hard, but it isn’t your fault that it isn’t easy. You can’t let anyone, including yourself, blame you for that.”

Heather’s embittered gaze softened.

“Right…” she breathed. “I should… I should talk to Heather about it.”

“Yeah,” Veronica said. “You’ll be okay.”

Heather nodded. “Thanks, V,” she murmured. “And don’t think that we did that for nothing, by the way. That did help me figure a few things out.” She shot her a grateful smile, and Veronica could hardly smile back. Simply being reminded was all it took to make her face grow warm again.

“Say, it’s getting pretty late,” Heather mused, looking up at the dark sky above. Though the leaves covered most of the sky, Veronica could see that many more stars had appeared since she had last looked. “Should we head back before someone finds us and scatters our body parts all over the woods?”

“Yeah…” she answered distantly. “Yeah, we should.”

She hardly noticed herself hop down from the tree, following close behind Heather as she led the way back with her flashlight. Now with no conversation to keep her distracted, all her brain did was replay the “fake” makeout over and over again. How much Heather had enjoyed it was up for debate - she wasn’t letting Veronica on in the details. How _she_ felt, however, was a different story. She was… most definitely turned on. Not even a deep and meaningful conversation had been able to erase the urge to rub her thighs together, at the very least.

Yet, that wasn’t what was making her heart race. Sure, everything she had done was positively hot, and doing it all outside, even if no one was around, had made it even hotter.

But all of that was nothing compared to the fact that she only just now realised she had forgotten to follow one simple instruction.

_Imagine I’m Heather or Heather._

Oh, Veronica had been making out with a Heather, for sure, but to her dismay, it wasn’t one she was dating.

And for some reason, that didn’t matter.

 _Oh._ She gulped, staring at the smaller girl scurrying through the woods in front of her. _Well, should have seen this one coming._

She bit her lip, unable to drag her eyes away from her friend. You know, her friend. That friend from childhood. She’d just rekindled their friendship. They’re friends now. Friends.

_And yet I didn’t. I really didn’t._

* * *

“ _Please_ tell me we’re going home now,” Mac grumbled into Heather’s ear as they walked back to the car.

“I wish,” Heather muttered. “But no, Ram told me before that the plan was dinner, then going back to his place.”

“ _Ugh,_ what even for?” she grumbled. “We’ve basically done the date! What else is there to do?”

Heather sighed. “I have an idea.” She eyed their dates with caution. “But don’t worry, I won’t let anything come of it.”

Mac stared at her in confusion, taking a moment to catch on what she was referring to. When she realised, all light left her eyes. It was heart wrenching to watch.

“You said you’d stop throwing us into these situations,” she growled. Her tone was unexpected, creating a pang of guilt in her chest. She swallowed.

“I know,” she said. “I promise, I’m not doing that.” _I think._ She bit her lip in doubt.

“Right,” Mac muttered. “I don’t know, Heather. Right now I feel pretty trapped.” She made it to her side of the car, and before opening it up, she whispered harshly, “Whatever your plan is to get us out of this one, I hope it’s a good one.”

Heather grimaced as she watched her get in the car, feeling a sudden heavy weight on her chest, and even on her feet, since she found it difficult to take another step towards her own door, her feet suddenly felt stiff.

 _Fuck,_ she thought to herself, finally forcing herself to move around to the door. _Didn’t take me long to do this again, did it?_

She sighed as she sat down and buckled herself in, occasionally trying to steal a glimpse from Mac, who didn’t once look her way. Her chest ached with regret, and it only worsened when she felt the engine of the car start up.

The whole journey, she racked her brain for some sort of plan. Some sort of method to escape, some sort of an excuse. Because whatever Kurt and Ram had planned for the rest of this date, she was _not_ about to let it happen.

 _But I’m bad at not letting it happen,_ she thought, staring at the two boys sitting in the front. _I have negative experiences with boys._

She felt her hand grip around something hard and cold, though it was quickly warming up from the sweat seeping from her palm. She looked down at her hand. She didn’t remember doing it, but she’d pulled out JD’s stupid fucking necklace again.

Growling silently at herself, she shoved it back into the pocket of her cardigan. Why she had thought to bring it along, she had no idea. But when she had looked at it lying still on her vanity before leaving to meet _Kurt_ and _Ram,_ trying to leave without it had made her feel sick.

“We’re here!” Ram’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She whipped her head towards the window. They were in Ram’s driveway. They’d gotten there so fast.

“Great,” she heard Mac say dryly, reluctantly opening the door. Heather inhaled deeply and did the same, desperately wanting to stay put.

 _Nothing’s going to happen,_ she told herself sternly. But it didn’t stop her from zoning out as she walked, feeling as though she were floating over the floor with how she hardly felt her heels touch the ground. She scowled at herself, indignantly shoving her hands in her pockets to wrap her fist around the necklace again. It took a moment, but soon enough felt her anxiety settle more easily.

By then, they were sat down on the front room couch. The room was large, clearly empty. The whole house was empty. No one but them.

No one but Ram’s arm resting on the back of the couch, just behind her, ready to pull her in closer.

She eyed him up and down. He was giving her a grin, one that was likely meant to be charming. She quickly looked away.

“So,” Mac suddenly spoke up. Heather glanced next to her. She was in a similar position to her, but with Kurt. “Why’d you bring us back to your place?”

Heather had to wonder why she would ask such an obvious question, but with how she was glaring at Kurt and only speaking in a dry tone, she knew she was looking for a straight answer.

Kurt blinked at her, stammering for a moment.

“We thought we should put a movie on,” Ram cut in.

Both Mac and Heather turned towards him.

“Then why is the TV off?” Heather questioned. “If that’s the plan, put a movie on.”

Shooting him a questionable look, he quickly nodded and left her side to go and turn on a movie. The empty space she felt next to her was relieving; she hadn’t realised her shoulders had been so tensed up until she finally slumped. Reminding herself to keep up an intimidating persona, she crossed one leg over the other and refused to take her eyes off Ram, searching for any sign of fumbling. There was a little bit, which she audibly laughed at.

“How’s The _Return of the Living Dead?_ ” Ram asked, having already slid the VHS tape into the TV. Heather, alarmed, looked at Mac, who as expected, had a look of worry on her face.

“Um… Heather doesn’t like horror,” she said. Kurt let out a scoff.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” he said sweetly. Sweetly being used in the loosest way possible. She watched in disgust as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, the discomfort on her face impossible to hide. “I’ll make sure you won’t get scared.”

“Mhmm. I’m sure you will,” Mac said through gritted teeth. Heather so desperately wanted to tell her that the film wasn’t that scary - that she and Heather Duke had watched it together years ago when they were only fifteen, that it was just a stupid parody of zombie films, that Heather, looking back, paid far too much attention to that one girl who strips naked in a graveyard. Hm.

But Mac had been pulled further away from her, and too close to Kurt for her to lean over and whisper subtly. That, and Ram was by her side again, and-

_Wait a minute, you fucking idiot._

Rolling her eyes at her stupidity, she elbowed Mac, praying that she wasn’t as angry as she had been before so that she would look her way. She did, thank goodness, and she began to sign,

_“I’ve watched this film before, it’s not that bad.”_

Mac stared at her for a moment. Heather was afraid she wouldn’t respond. But then,

_“What’s the plot? I might be able to handle it.”_

She glanced at the screen. The opening scene played, with the two characters accidentally releasing the gas that would end up animating the dead.

 _“These two idiots release that fucking gas and end up creating a zombie, as you can see,”_ she explained. Mac glanced at the television, nodding. Luckily she didn’t seem too disturbed by the effects. _“Later they try and cremate the zombie, but then the gases in it get released into the clouds, and it rains on all the graves in a cemetery, so all the corpses come alive.”_

Mac let out a snort. Kurt gave her a questioning look, but when she didn’t acknowledge him, he didn’t bother asking what she was laughing at.

 _“The gas in the body rains all over an entire cemetery?”_ She snickered. _“How much did it absorb?”_

She shrugged. _“Enough to cause a zombie apocalypse.”_ She gave another glance to the screen. _“By the way, don’t get attached to any of the characters. They all die.”_

_“How? Do the zombies get them all?”_

_“No, the town gets nuked and the incident is covered up by the government.”_

Mac couldn’t hold in the giggle that erupted from her, and neither could Heather. Kurt and Ram shot them both odd looks.

“What’s so funny?” Ram asked, eyeing the two of them curiously. Heather cleared her throat, trying to stop herself from laughing.

“Nothing,” she said, turning her attention back to the TV, whilst tightly pursing her lips so that she would stop herself from laughing some more. The more she tried to focus on the movie, however, the stronger the urge to look back at Mac.

“Hope this film isn’t too scary for you, babe,” she heard Kurt say. She glimpsed at the pair, and Mac’s face was suddenly twisted in disgust at the hand on her side.

“No, thanks,” she replied, trying to edge away from him as much as she could.

The movie went on, with Kurt and Ram trying to crack jokes the whole way. They were painfully unfunny.

Soon enough, they got up to the scene she had been dreading the whole time. _Stupid fucking cemetery scene._

She caught Mac’s attention again, and signed,

_“Hey, get ready to see some tits and pussy out.”_

Mac raised a brow in intrigue, before turning her attention back to the punk girl on screen, expressing her sexual desire for… being eaten alive. She’d forgotten about that part.

Then she ripped her clothes off. 

She paid little attention to Ram and Kurt’s excited noises, instead looking back to Mac, who simply gave a nod of approval.

 _“She’s pretty hot,”_ she signed. Heather covered her mouth to stop herself from snickering. Again.

 _We should watch this film together one day,_ she thought with a fond smile. _We could be saying all of this stuff, but out loud. And… well…_ She sadly looked at the space between them that they simply couldn’t close. _Be holding each other, maybe._ The corner of her mouth turned up. _That sounds nice. Much nicer than this._

Whilst she was thinking to herself, she felt something slither onto her thigh. Her whole body tensed up, and she dared to look down at the hand, while on top of clothes, was dangerously high up. She scowled, slapping it away on impulse. For some reason, she hadn’t expected it to move, like she had forgotten that Ram, as pushy and respected in Westerburg he was, was still below her. Everyone was.

It gave her a newfound sense of power, one that she had somehow lost on the way here. No matter what happened tonight, she was still in control.

How she forgot that, she had no clue.

A bit further into the movie, and Kurt had to open his big mouth again. Not to make some awful joke this time, but after he spoke, Heather wished it had been just that.

“Hey, remember that one party a few weeks ago, when you two kissed?” he said. Heather froze up, glaring at him with an ice cold stare. It didn’t phase him. “Ram and I were wondering before… was that a one time thing?”

_No. Not at all._

“Yes,” she hissed. “Why?”

“Just because my buddy missed the whole thing!” Kurt explained. “Ain’t that right, Ram?”

“Yeah, I did! It was so sad,” Ram said. Heather’s expression soured, and she hardly cared for whatever his reaction was when she shuffled away from him and closer to Mac, who seemed to be doing the same.

“What are you getting at?” Mac asked cautiously.

Ram picked up the TV remote and turned down the volume until it was but background noise to their conversation. Fuck’s sake.

“We were just… y’know… wondering,” Ram said, elbowing Heather suggestively. She moved her arm away.

“If you’d reenact it for us?” Kurt asked, looking at them both hopefully. Heather and Mac stared at the two of them in dismay, then at each other, then back at them.

“You _what?_ ” Heather spat.

“Aw, come on, Heather!” Ram begged. “We set up such a nice date for you both!”

“Yeah, you both enjoyed yourselves, how about you return the favour, huh?” Kurt added. Heather could practically see the drool threatening to drip from his mouth. Shifting in her seat uncomfortable, she slipped her hands into her pockets. Just in case.

“Return the favour?” Mac echoed in disbelief. “We don’t owe you anything.”

Heather tried to hide the smile threatening to show, not being able to help the feeling admiration for her girlfriend’s sudden boldness.

“But we bought you dinner!” Ram protested. Heather opened her mouth to shoot back a retort, but he kept going. “Besides, all four of us are here, right? Don’t you think we could make tonight pretty… special?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he eyed the whole group. Heather gaped at him.

“You seriously think we’re going to say yes to a foursome?” she hissed, the hand in her pocket clenching tighter as Ram slid closer.

“You want a _what?_ ” Mac asked in shock. “That… doesn’t sound appealing.”

It really didn’t. It suddenly daunted on her that… a foursome would mean sex. The details themselves were unknown as of now, but the possibility of she and Mac having to do something - _anything_ sexual in front of these pigs was utterly revolting to her. Not just because they’d be not much more than a couple of porn actors for them to boss around and satisfy their gross needs, but also…

She looked at Mac dismally.

She and Mac hadn’t had sex. They’d come close, but… it just hadn’t happened yet.

 _No, no, no, this will_ not _be our first._ She snarled. _For fuck’s sake, why do our firsts always have to be with_ you two?

“The answer’s no,” she told them in a firm tone. “What we did in that party was a game. If you missed it, then that’s your problem. I’m not gonna waste my time fixing your blue balls or whatever.” She shoved him away with the hand that had no necklace in its fist.

“Aw… come on!” Ram whined. “Not even a kiss or a little bit of touching?”

“No!” Mac barked, standing up and finally escaping Kurt’s hold. Heather found herself being lifted up with her, with the arm that had quickly latched onto hers. “Drop it, or take us home.”

Heather could feel her chest bursting with pride for Mac. She had no idea where she was able to find the courage to be so assertive, but she didn’t bother to waste her time questioning it. It was but a pleasant surprise.

Kurt, however, was not impressed. He frowned at her.

“Aw come on, you finally came to your senses and went on a date with me.” He reached his hand towards Mac. Heather pulled her further away. “What’s the point in not going all the way?”

He reached his hand further, and this time it was Mac who pulled away.

“Coming here was a mistake,” she murmured. “I… I only came here in hopes that you would give up on me, finally.”

Kurt shot her a quizzical look. “That isn’t really what I got from tonight,” he said. “All I got was a spark, y’know?”

Heather felt the hand on her arm curl up into the fist, scrunching up the fabric of her cardigan.

“Take us home,” Mac ordered, her voice quiet. “That, or we’ll stay and finish the movie, but that’s it.”

Heather then rolled her eyes, taking a few steps back.

“The movie was basically the foreplay, Heather,” she muttered. “Neither of them have anything else planned. Let’s go.”

She turned to walk the two of them back to the door, but Ram scrambled onto his feet and darted in front of them, blocking their path.

“Wait, wait, you can’t leave now!” he protested. Desperation was becoming more evident in his tone, and the more she heard it, the more Heather’s tight grip on the necklace relaxed.

_God, you’re pathetic._

“Yeah, come on, we don’t have to do the foursome!” Kurt added, stumbling over to Ram’s side. “We can just go off and do our own thing. Y’know, in pairs.”

Heather scoffed at their pitiful attempt, her lip curling into a sneer.

“We don’t have to do anything,” she spat, sounding a little more emotional than she meant to. “If you’re so desperate to stick your dicks somewhere, how about you use one of your old man’s fleshlights?”

She then stepped forward and shoved into Ram’s side with as much force as she could to make the hefty football player lose his balance, before quickening her pace towards the door.

Then, just as she reached the exit to the living room, she heard Ram call after her,

“Why are you being so difficult?”

Heather froze up. Her hand curled back into a fist in her pocket, and every muscle in her body tensed. Those words were familiar. Negative connotations. Negative experiences.

“How so?” she heard Mac speak up next to her. Fuck, how long had she been quiet for? It felt like no time had passed at all.

“We haven’t hooked up in ages!” she heard Kurt complain from behind her. “We really _are_ getting blue balls from it.”

“Yeah!” Ram agreed, “Won’t you even settle for a handjob?”

Heather grinded her teeth together, trying to find an insult, a retort, _anything_ to say back. But no words came to her.

“Maybe,” Mac spoke again, with a calm voice and a sweet tone. “We finally learned to raise our standards.”

Hearing that calmed her down. Mostly because hearing it made her crack a smile. She let out a long exhale as she giggled, allowing her hand to fall out of her pocket.

They were fine. They were almost at the door. Escaping them was easy.

“That was a good one,” she murmured as soon as they stepped outside. Mac glanced up at her.

“Hm? Oh, thanks.” She smiled briefly, before looking around. “But, uh, I don’t think they’re gonna give us a ride home from here.”

“My house isn’t far away,” Heather said. “Maybe a half an hour walk. And it isn’t that late.” She looked up at the sky. Quite a few stars were out, but she knew it was only this dark because of the Winter. “Besides, I’ve walked through Sherwood with Veronica much later than this.”

“Isn’t that risky?” Mac asked as they began to walk down the path.

“Yeah,” she said.

They walked in silence down the street, before Mac spoke up again.

“I’m sorry for snapping before,” she said sadly. “I was just scared that we wouldn’t be able to escape… _that_.”

Heather sighed, her breath turning into white clouds. “It’s fine. I get it.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “This whole night was a mess. I’m surprised you bothered coming with me.”

“I couldn’t let you go alone,” Mac said. Heather frowned, staring off into the distance.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

The rest of their journey was silent and quick, with the two of them walking at the same pace. Despite wearing heels, they were far too eager to return to the comfort of one of their homes, though Mac’s house was a much further walk. Heather’s bed would have to do.

Somehow, Heather hadn’t even noticed that they hadn’t let go of each other until they were close to her house. When she realised Mac’s arm was firmly attached to her own, though, she didn’t pull away. Quite the opposite. With her other hand, she slipped it over Mac’s and held it close, pressing it against her arm. She liked the feeling, the pressure of it being there.

Soon enough they were home. Her parents were too, unfortunately, as shown by their car in the driveway. She entered the house as quietly as she could hushing Mac when she opened the door. They both stalked through the hallway and then up the spiral staircase, finally making it to her room, safe and sound. Her parents were downstairs, at least, as she had heard the TV playing as she walked past the living room. They could talk loudly without a fuss.

Both of them flopped onto the bed and let out a huge relieved sigh. It almost didn’t feel real that they had finally made it home, that the night was over. It had dragged out for _so long_ , and yet it was only about 10pm.

“Is that it, then?” Mac gasped. “Do we not have to interact with guys for another three months or so?”

“Yeah,” Heather breathed. “I think we’ll be okay.”

They both breathed out simultaneously, then flipped onto their sides, facing each other. Finally, able to look into each other’s eyes without feeling on edge, without having to check if the coast was clear. It was just them.

Mac smiled at her. “I’ve missed looking at you,” she murmured. The statement sent Heather into a fit of giggles, it was so sweet.

“Don’t be so sappy,” she said, pressing her likely pink cheek against her shoulder. “I’ve missed you looking at me too.”

“I know. You’re a very jealous person,” Mac teased. Heather gasped in dismay.

“I am not!” She gave her a shove. Mac laughed.

“Fine, a possessive person.”

“That’s not any better!”

Mac just grinned at her innocently. Heather rolled her eyes, before she gazed into Mac’s hazel stare again. She could get lost in those eyes, and she wouldn’t want to be found again.

Another wave of relief washed over her the longer she gazed at her. “Can I say something?” she said. Mac tilted her chin up.

“Mhmm?” She shuffled a bit closer along the pillow they rested against. Heather chewed on her lip.

“I’m especially glad we got out of that,” she whispered. “I… I wouldn’t want to share my first with you with… _them_.”

Mac widened her eyes a little, her expression unreadable. Then, it softened.

“I feel the same way,” she said, her hand finding Heather’s, holding it tight, “but even if we hadn’t gotten out of it, it’s not like firsts mean anything, right?” She gave a saddened chuckle. “We learned that the hard way with them, didn’t we?”

Heather curled up a little, a feeling of regret hitting her.

“Heather?” Mac asked again. She took a deep breath.

“It’s just… with Veronica…” She winced at the thought. “It didn’t feel special. It didn’t feel _right_ . I used her in the same way I’ve used so many other people. I just… I just needed a distraction. To feel better, to feel like I had control again.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “To convince myself I was _fine_ . I was happy.” She opened her eyes again, hoping they didn’t look glassy. “But I didn’t do it for her. I only did it for me.” She brushed some of her hair out of her face. “Our first wasn’t special. It was me _using_ her. I don’t even know if she knows, and if she does, if she cares. But…” She sighed. “I do. I wish I could make it more special, even if it means just cleaning my face of the mascara I had running down it. I don’t know, something.”

Mac gave her a sympathetic look, her hand caressing her arm. Heather gazed into her eyes longingly.

“I don’t want to repeat the same mistake, especially not with you, Mac.” She raised a hand to cup her cheek. “We’ve been friends for so long. Everything with you has always felt special. I wouldn’t want our first to just be some fling or a show for anyone else. I’d want it to be for us, like everything else we do together.”

A smile spread on Mac’s face, one that was beautiful to look at. Heather was sure she had a stupid smile herself, but she didn’t care. It was just them, alone together. Just for them.

“I feel the same way,” Mac murmured. “I… I’ve _really_ been wanting to have sex with you, Cherry, but I was torn, because I just felt like I didn’t want to rush it?”

“Did you just call me ‘Cherry’?”

Mac ignored her. “I think it’s a little daunting, to be honest. Having sex with someone who’s been your closest friend for over a decade?” She smiled at her. “But it’s exciting too. It’s like we started a whole new relationship, but we still know each other from our old one. Now we’re just trying new things.”

Her eyes fell, and her hand began to stroke more than just her arm. Heather felt it brush over her side and her hip. She shivered in what she guessed was anticipation.

“It is,” she murmured, her thumb stroking her cheek. After that moment, they both went silent. Their hands wandered over each other, lightly brushing one another’s figures. Their eyes would wander too, exploring places they hadn’t spent enough time looking at over the years. But now that she let herself… Heather bit her lip.

Before she knew it, Mac had shifted closer, rolling Heather over onto her back and gazing down at her with clouded eyes. Heather blinked up at her, swallowing, before reaching up for a kiss. Mac immediately melted into it, one hand holding her chin up while the other gripped her side. Their kiss was gentle for only a few moments, before Heather felt her head being pushed against the pillow so that Mac could easily slip her tongue in her mouth. Heather moaned against her lips, cupping the back of her head with her hand to keep her close, while the other wandered up her back.

Her fingers brushed over soft fabric, that is until it didn’t. It reached the bump that was her zip, and she traced her hand up until she found the end. While she tasked herself with pulling it down, ever so slowly, she felt Mac’s fingers slip behind her neck to find the red bow holding her dress up. She sighed when she felt it loosen, and felt an overwhelming sense of enthrallment when she was able to pull Mac’s dress down her shoulders.

More skin she could touch. It was dizzying, something she had never done before. Something that was there for ages, and yet she never touched it. Why? Her muscles were so toned, her skin so smooth. It was all hers to touch.

Growing desperate for _more_ , Heather broke off the kiss and opened her eyes, only half way, only enough to get a glimpse at Mac. Her dress was hanging off, giving her a preview of what was underneath, but it wasn’t enough. She tugged it down, trying her hardest to rip it off. Mac, getting the hint, sat up to slide it off her body, revealing what was beneath. Technically, something Heather _had_ seen before, she’d seen Mac get changed for cheer practice many times before. But now… it seemed even more beautiful. Now she could put her hands on her sides, her waist, her stomach, her _abs_ , her chest… everything.

It was clear Mac wanted something similar, since Heather found her hands shoving her cardigan off and throwing it elsewhere in the room, before finally taking off her dress. Funny, she thought, the same dress Veronica had taken off during their first.

But this time, it was done right. Heather knew, because she was being looked at like something beautiful, like something Mac had been waiting to see for ages, and now that she was looking, she couldn’t tear her gaze away. It made her feel special, feel wanted, feel _loved._

So when Mac reached forward and touched her, just a hand on her chest, she gasped, leaning into it. Mac let out a giggle, and spoke for the first time since they had begun.

“I’ve hardly done anything, and your back is already arching,” she commented playfully. Heather just groaned, grabbing her by the shoulder and pulling her down.

“Fuck me,” she whispered in a low voice. “Please, I can’t take another second waiting.” She planted another kiss on her lips.

“I really, really need you, and I need you now.”

* * *

_Clink._

Heather blinked open her eyes. Her bare shoulders were met with a chill of cold air.

_Clink._

Blinking open her heavy eyes in confusion, she slowly lifted herself up from the bed. She was met with more cold.

_Clink._

Her room was completely dark, and it was definitely still very early in the morning. Groaning as she rolled over, away from the figure sleeping peacefully next to her, she squinted at the clock on her nightstand.

2:30am.

_Clink._

Twitching in annoyance, she snarled and slipped out of bed, quickly grabbing her robe from her chair to shield herself from the cold. Then, she looked towards where the sound was coming from.

_Clink._

Who the fuck was throwing shit at her window.

Marching over to it in annoyance, she pushed the curtains out the way and looked outside.

“ _What the hell._ ”

Muttering irritated curses to herself, Heather stormed over to her door, slipped on the slippers next to it, and quietly, yet swiftly made her way downstairs, not wanting to wake her parents. She made it to the front door, grabbed the key on the shelf, and opened it up. Surprise surprise, Veronica had walked back around the house to meet her there.

“Veronica, it is _2:30am,_ ” she spat. “What the _hell_ are you doing here?”

Veronica, who was fully dressed, by the way, grinned at her nervously.

“I… I couldn’t sleep,” she murmured. Heather snarled.

“Yeah? Well guess what, I _could_ .” She placed a hand on her hip. “If I go back to sleep and have a nightmare after actually having a good dream that _you_ woke me up from, I’m gonna be _pissed_.”

“Sorry,” Veronica said, “I honestly didn’t think you’d be asleep.” She scratched the back of her head. “That is, during the first five minutes of throwing stones at your window.”

Heather raised a brow. “How long have you been standing there?”

“...Fifteen minutes.” She grimaced. “I’d already walked here. I’d come too far to just give up.”

“Jesus Christ,” Heather groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What the hell do you want?”

“Uhh… I… um…” she stammered. Heather inhaled sharply.

“Just spit it out! I’m falling asleep on my feet here.”

“I… I kissed Heather!” she blurted out, before covering her mouth. Heather felt herself wake up a bit, suddenly interested.

“You what?”

“We… it wasn’t serious! We would have asked your and Mac’s permission before doing anything like that. It was just like a… uh… test thing,” she explained. “It’s personal to Heather, I can’t really give any details. But um… she asked me to kiss her so she could test something out, and I said _sure_ , what are friends for, right?” She buried her face in her hands. “But she told me to imagine I was kissing you, or Heather, but I… I didn’t. And I _enjoyed_ it.”

Veronica peered over the top of her hands, waiting for Heather’s reaction. Heather could only just smirk in amusement.

“If I weren’t exhausted, I would laugh at you, Veronica,” she said. “That is utterly hilarious.”

“No it isn’t!” Veronica lunged forward and grabbed Heather by the collar of her robe. “Heather, I can’t like Heather! I just can’t!”

“Why not? You’re dating two of us, might as well go all the way, right?” She shrugged. “Really, it’s not that much of a shock.”

“Not even in the slightest?”

“No. You clearly have a type for rich bitchy women, and I think that’s incredibly amusing.”

Veronica rolled her eyes.

“Heather… I don’t think Heather likes me like that,” Veronica confessed. “I just… I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Heather gave her a sympathetic look. As sympathetic as she could.

“I feel bad for you, but did you need to wake me up to talk about this?” She yawned. “If you needed to get your thoughts out that badly, why don’t you just write in that diary of yours?”

“I did.”

“What did you write?”

“I wrote _‘fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck’_.”

Heather sighed.

“Do you wanna talk about this tomorrow morning?” she asked. “Because if you think I am going to stand here and listen to all the things you think about doing to Heather in the locker rooms then you’re terribly mistaken.”

Veronica’s face grew red. “I don’t think about doing _anything_ to her!” she protested. “Just… until this evening, anyway.” She buried her fingers into her hair. “Now I can’t _stop_ . I can’t _sleep_ because I can’t stop _thinking_ about it-”

“Veronica, I am _tired,_ ” she moaned, slouching against the porch wall. “Can I _please_ go back to bed? I was very comfortable with Mac curled up next to me. She’s adorable when she sleeps.”

“I know, right?” Veronica tapped her fingers together. “And oh, I was uhh… going to ask if you wanted any company in bed tonight, but I’m guessing there won’t be room.”

Heather gazed at her for a moment.

“We’ll make it work,” she then said, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her inside. Veronica gave her a gleeful smile.

“I knew you’d say that,” she chuckled as Heather dragged her upstairs. “Also, did you two have sex?”

Heather turned to her suspiciously. “How did you know?”

“You’re wearing nothing beneath your robe.” She laughed. “You’re telling me you fucked after your date with Kurt and Ram?”

“And what about it?” Heather muttered, leading her into her room. “Tell me you wouldn’t want to do the same.” She gestured to the bed.

“Now, don’t get in until I’m comfortable,” she ordered. “And don’t wake up Mac. She’s _peaceful_.”

Veronica chuckled fondly.

“I’ll do my best.”

**Author's Note:**

> oh veronica you disaster bi. why would you go to heather chandler for help.
> 
> comments and feedback are appreciated !!!
> 
> https://heathersgameoftag.tumblr.com/


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